Insomnia & Disability Cases

I just opened my eyes, having “gone to bed” after eleven, I didn’t want to look at the clock…if it was really early and I couldn’t fall back asleep quickly, it might be a long night. I clicked the button on my phone – two am. Grrrr.
I stopped and told myself as long as I didn’t have to take more medicine…well now I’m awake at least for awhile. I try to keep day and night rhythms, even though I sleep a lot during the day.
I know I haven’t mentioned it here yet (so many details) but I haven’t been working for a few years now and I’m not yet collecting disability.
I did try early on and “didn’t qualify” according to the lawyer. Apparently if you try really hard to do the right thing and go back to work after a leave of absence, nothing that happened before you went back can be used in your case.
And that was all the good stuff; I’d had an income and insurance coverage and my Mom (who is basically my “caretaker”) had been doing better physically herself (she has an open disability case herself-long story); that wouldn’t have gone down in the reports. That was when I had suffered through the crappy psychiatrist, tried to find a therapist that I could trust, did the tests, and got the second and third opinions. So my best option, in the lawyers experience, was to basically do it all again. Build up at least six months of medical reports and then try.
The difference was, now I couldn’t afford to do the things that would good for the case and the best part of the case (in my opinion), the six months of visits with the psychiatrist and all the medication changes, with the end result of a diagnosis of Treatment Resistant Depression was as far as I’m concerned unrepeatable. So I’m here. Feeling the burden of not being able to contribute financially.
It’s a big stress point in my relationship with my Mom. I don’t know how to act when I have no money to contribute. So goes the vicious cycle of depression, anxiety and pain. Stress making all of them worse. I look forward to a day, hopefully sooner rather than later, where I can contribute something…as anything would make me feel better. I have some ideas floating around. Maybe I’ll post about them and see if you all have any opinions as to which of them seems like an option that might work the best. As this post could probably go on forever, I’m going to end it here. 
Goodnight all! ❤️


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