Invisible Illnesses and Invisible Walls

I woke up this morning with a deep sense of loneliness. That kind where you remember what it was like to snuggle up to someone and have their arms around you. Missing that feeling of peace and security. 

Today it’s going even deeper…my Mom and I used to have a few TV shows we would watch together. She would come in my room and we would just share time together. 

My Mom and Sister and I used to go out to breakfast every so often. I had some friends whose house I used to go to all the time…they had an open door policy with me, I even had a key. It was wonderful. Again that sharing of time with other people. We forget how important it is until it’s missing.

I’ve noticed that each day you go without that connection you lay a brick. The start of a wall that no one can see. Most of the time you can’t even see it either.

You lay down bricks to protect the people you love and the wall gets taller.

Eventually you realize that this wall you built is all around you. Even though you can’t see it. There are still days where you can see a glint shining off the wall. Those are the days like today. When the glint, that small bit of light, reminds you of the past. The past before the wall, before these invisible things changed your whole life. 

It’s sadly funny how invisible illnesses can cause so much loss.