Thoughts, Realizations and Expectaions aka Letting Myself and You Down

Let me start out by saying that this post, though it may sound otherwise, does not mean in any way that I am stopping my blog! It’s just a review of some things I noticed upon reflection. It will also probably sound like a pity party but that is definitely not my intention. 

I had started this blog with, while not a specific plan, at least an open idea of what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to share my story, my past and things I was going through now. To share things I had learned about myself and things that still eluded me. I also wanted to dip my toe into sharing my creative side, my poetry and art. I had ideas of adding in other things later if they felt right…product reviews, recipes I really enjoy (baking is a passion of mine).  

It started slow, but I was continuing to be inspired in my writings and soon I was finding myself emotionally energized every time someone liked,commented or followed my blog! It cheered me that this blog, something which I had put off starting for a long time, was going so well. 

Then, like they always do, things started to take a dive here at home. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. But I my posts started turning into explosions of emotions, a way I have used in the past (though not publicly) to get the thoughts out of my head and relieve some of the pressure. This was okay to, I think. It gives a real picture of how someone with chronic illness, depression and anxiety reacts to situations.

After that, I started forcing myself to write about topics I written down, but was waiting for inspiration to strike before writing.

Still things were going okay, but after a period of time where I just couldn’t post anything, I felt that I lost ground.

During that “down” time I also found it very hard to look for new blogs and read posts, as some of them affected me so profoundly I would get depressed or anxious or both.  

Seeing my stats fall made me sad. This blog, while in the upswing was actually making me feel like I was contributing. Something I haven’t been feeling at all lately, just the opposite in fact. I realized I was afraid that if I didn’t keep up that I would lose my modest following. I also realized that when I write without inspiration it just doesn’t feel right. I need to find my inspiration and find a way to ease my expectations. 

I still have many poems from years of writing and more art to share. My personal writings may be more sporadic, but, God willing, will keep coming steadily. 

I am still finding myself in a very dark place at the moment. Everything is very heavy and hard to do. Life feels impossible right now. But I still think sharing here is what I was led to do, so I’ll continue. I don’t know what form this blog will take. I’m sure it will continue to change and evolve. Whatever it is and whatever it becomes I’m certain it will be what it is meant to be.

– ❤️ to all of you! 


3 thoughts on “Thoughts, Realizations and Expectaions aka Letting Myself and You Down

  1. I sometimes find myself down when I see that my stats have fallen. I started my blog with the intention of writing about the important topics with chronic illness, topics that I used to search the Internet for myself, and I have done some of that, but not as much as I would like. I have since realized that I also use my blog for an outlet, especially since there are so many aspects of chronic illness that my healthy family can’t understand. Just know that we are here for you no matter what you choose to write about. 💕


    • As always, thank you! If the only thing that happened on this blog was meeting you, I think that would be worth it. ❤️
      There’s still a part of me that holds myself to a standard I had before all of this. And with my pain and depression at an all time high right now…every little thing is a trigger. My family is so overwhelmed right now I can go 12+ hours without seeing or talking to anyone even though they are in the house with me – sometimes even one room away. Thank you again! 💝

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pre illness standards are hell to overcome and let go. I still do the same. I’m grateful to have met you and it makes me smile each time you post and I get to comment on how great you’re doing and how much I can relate. Keep your head up. 💕😊

        Liked by 1 person

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