Fetch Wood, Carry Water


It’s a saying my Mom uses. It’s the “survival” level of living… Doing just the necessities needed to live.

That’s what life has been for me (and so far is continuing to be). Time doesn’t really seem to exist. I can’t hold onto it. I’m trying to find a balance with a new medication my Doctor added last week. 

It’s been a blur of side effects, pain  and sleep. I can’t seem to do any normal things…I struggle just to “fetch wood and carry water”. Eating when my stomach starts to naw at me. Getting up to pee when my bladder complains. Shutting off my phones alarm and taking more medicine. Then trying to make sure I write down what I took and reset the timer. 

It’s so blurry I can’t even care enough to feel bad about how useless I am. It doesn’t feel like life,  I’m not sure what it is.

I miss having inspiration to write. I miss my interactions with all of you. I hope and pray that there is a balance somewhere in the future. 

It’s funny, it’s not like I would have said I had a life before, but this…existence…is just so numbing. All my feelings and reasoning abilities are turned down to a white noise in the background of my brain.

I was determined to write something. I know it might sound like gibberish…maybe if I find a balance things might be better on the other side. The new medicine does seem to help my pain. I just have to find a balance and hope the side effects aren’t too bad.

I hope to write again soon.

Love, Healing and Happiness to all of you!

~❤️

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